Category: Children

Humour stories related to children

Magnet

children

Magnet
During a science lesson, my sister-in-law picked up a magnet and
said to her second-grade class, “My name begins with the letter M, and
I pick things up. What am I?”
A little boy answered, “You’re a mommy.”

Ironing

children

Ironing
A mother was ironing the clean laundry one day. Her son asked her, “Mother, why are you ironing those clothes?”
His mother said, “To make them nice and wrinkle free.”
Her son said, “Then, why don’t you iron Grandma’s face?

Ketchap

children

Ketchup
A mother was struggling to get the ketchup out of the bottle when the phone rang. She asked her four-year-old daughter to answer it. She heard her daughter say, “Mommy can’t come to the phone. She’s hitting the bottle.”

The Police

children

The Police
A policeman was taking a vandalism report at an elementary school when he was interrupted by a six-year-old girl. She looked up and down at his uniform and asked, “Are you a policeman?”
“Yes, I am,” he said.
“My mother told me that if I ever needed help I should ask a policeman. Is that right,” the girl asked.
“Yes it is,” said the policeman.
The girl extended her foot to the policeman and said, “OK, then, would you tie my shoe?”

Children on Marriage

children

Children on Marriage
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
“Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.” Camille, age 10
“No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.” Freddie, age 6
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
“You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.” Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MUM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
“Both don’t want any more kids.” Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
“Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.” Lynnette, age 8
“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
“I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.” Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
“When they’re rich.” Pam, age 7
“The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.” Curt, age 6
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
“I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out.” Theodore, age 8
“It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.” Anita, age 9
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
“Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck.” Ricky, age 10

Younger Brother

children

Younger Brother
A little boy was so excited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother.
He repeated that to his teacher every day, when he came to school, “I’m getting a brother.”
One day his mom allowed him to feel the baby’s kicks in her belly.
The next day he came to school and didn’t say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happened to his brother.
He replied, “I think mommy ate him.”

Knowing Parent

children

Knowing parent
Johnny, if you had $5 and you asked your father for $3 more, how many dollars would you have?
I would have five dollars…
You don’t know your arithmetic, Johnny…
You don’t know my father, Mrs. Mutch…

Charity

children

Charity
Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate.
“You should give that money to charity”, said the shopkeeper.
“No, I’ll buy the chocolate. YOU give the money to charity!”

Deduction

children

Deduction
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said: Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.